Thursday, May 31

Today was a lesson in love.

It didn't start out that way, there was the usual daily routine, barn routine, house routine, etc.

But at 4:30pm, I had a forced revalation.
My best friend called me on her cell phone in a panic. She never panics.
Her son had just been struck by a pickup truck while he was riding his moped.

She was following the ambulance, on the way to the hospital, and called me because she
"needed someone to talk to" Am I this deserving? Do I hold the key to anyone's consolation?


As she told me the facts, I deduced that he was not gravely injured, and was expected at that time to make a complete recovery - but there was still the panic issue to deal with at hand.

As years have passed, we have included their family into ours and vice versa. I would be privaledged to know that they would treat my children as their own, and help us in any way possible, as would we.

For that moment, my life stopped. Nothing was more important to me than being there, with them.
On the ride to the hospital I had a chance to think. I thought about what I might do if it were me, rushing to see my child. I don't think it would have felt much different. I got to examine what was trivial and trite in my normal day to day experiences and feel loss for opportunities I let slip by me without notice.

Once seeing her son, who by this time was feeling no pain (due to the lovely scope of pharmaceuticals that the hospital has to offer) I just had to be in awe over the entire ordeal and how he had to have been touched by God's hand to survive.

Witnesses say that the truck (carrying a large construction trailer) did not see him waiting at the intersection to turn, and bore down upon him, clipping the left end of his moped and spinning him, and the moped entirely under the vehicle as he locked up the brakes. The driver himself noted that he felt the child and the moped as he drove over them, and felt them ping-pong off the undercarriage of his vehicle as he tried desparately to stop the truck.

Everyone who viewed the accident presumed that whomever was on the moped would not have survived what they had witnessed.

Sometimes we are given fantastic gifts disguised as tragedies - it is up to us to determine what we want to see.

I tried to verify my position at the hospital. I didn't really think I HAD to be there - but I had a friend who was faced with the very real possibility of losing a child, and a child in need who I would gladly call my own had I been given a son. Maybe I was the needy one. I needed to make sure that everything was going to be alright - for those who rode in the ambulance, and those who didn't.

I know that through our relationship, the endings won't always be this blessed. I am glad to share the joyus victories, as well as the grief we might have to wade through together.

If you read this Rach, God has given everyone a second chance through this accident. I pray
(now don't laugh) that this will be the cog that sets a new wheel in motion in your lives. I am also going to be there with you celebrating the miracle of it all.

.

Wednesday, May 30

It just dawned on me.

Today is what the rest of my life will look like if I don't do something about it.
Sometimes I fall into the accepted reality of not being able to shape the outcome of any given day.

I stress at work, I stress at home, I am in a constant tug of war with those around me.
I want everyone to accept my rational views and be thankful that I shared it with them.
(Is it just me?)

I try to keep everyone happy and balanced. The kids need to be able to attend school activities, sports and whatever else they feel entitled to - to deny that may be somehow irresponsible of me. I try to keep the DH content by not requesting (read bitching and nagging) too many things after he works 50-60 hours a week. I am keenly aware that in order for our investment in the barn to reap any rewards I have to be on top of that situation also.
I also try and make sure all of us are adequately fed, clothed and bathed on regular intervals, and that our dwelling and surrounding property does not resemble a junk heap.

Once all that is completed, I realize that I am running into the next day.
There is no time for me.

No one pauses to consider or concern themselves with who might be taking care of me.
That is my fault.

I have become marginally profocient at all the above chores, and no one stops to think who does them.
They just exist.

I wonder if all mothers and wives feel this way - I have been chastized by friends for enjoying the martyr status I place on myself. Afraid to require more from others who are in a position to help me.

I want to change that.
Maybe today is a good day to start.

?

Sunday, May 27

I began Spring Cleaning yesterday.

I have two different cleaning personalities, and they are very opposite and separate from each other. I have friends, who you walk into their home and it looks like they are ready for a Board of Health inspection at any moment. Those people really irk me.

I began my life as a wife and mom completely able to control the clutter. Most 2 month old babies do not cause the same amount of cleaning effort as they do when they are 13. Add one husband, who is used to me doing EVERYTHING, and another child and BINGO - you are in the middle of an organizational crisis.

There are sports schedules for EVERYONE, choir concerts, after school activities and 4-H clubs to concern ones self with when delegating chores. It seems that no one else is home long enought to make a mess, yet the house looks like Hiroshima.

I started yesterday, with my stuff. Fueled by caffiene I organized my computer desk, bookcase and living room. (Including closets) The girls knew enough to make themselves scarce, yet I would catch a glimpse of them, and enlist them in my project. By the end of the day, they were quite proficient at being invisible,to avoid any perspiration on their part.

DH (dear husband) wasn't high on my list yesterday. As I flitted about, his main concern was that I was making too much noise for him to digest the Golf tournament he was watching. He finally gave up, and went to take a nap.

I have several girlfriends who mirror my disgust at the male's attitude towards cleaning. I KNOW there are men out there who are neat freaks, I just was not intelligent enough to gauge the importance of this as I was prioritizing important qualities when interviewing mates.

He is very apt at pointing out what needs to be taken care of, yet when I ask him to help me pick up - company is coming, he will run, not walk to the nearest insignificant task and slave away. Case in point would be the time he re-arranged the silverware drawer, and washed the pickup when I was preparing dinner for his family at the last minute.

I am not stupid enough to realize that this isn't intentional. He has the same mindframe as a 7 year old.
"Maybe if I don't do it right, she won't ask me to help anymore"

In my infinate wisdom (or lack therof) I have decided that it is much easier to not ask him to do a thing, and appreciate what he does come up with, than to stress over his non-compliance.

(and I wonder why I am stressed)

Today, I hope to tackle the kitchen. Fortunately, most of my eager helpers must trod through there at least twice a day in search of sustanance.
Maybe I will get lucky.

:-)
I can be such a sucker.

Show me an infomercial, and I am convinced that I too, can make 65,000.00 in 3 simple months by investing in real estate, or have a size 3 figure by sending 5 monthly payments of $69.99 to body by Jake.

How can that be?

I dunno. Sometimes I believe that I am a huge skeptic, but give me 10 minutes watching the tube and I am all choked up, and writing a check to sponsor some child that lives in a third world country. I am an acvertisers dream.

Thank goodness, once removed from the situation, I regain conciousness. I have only been "taken" once, and that was to order a math program completely guaranteed to make anyone who took the course, a whiz. I keep the box, with all the contents as evidence that you have to give things INPUT before they will actually work.
(I think I made it 30 minutes into the tapes before I decided it would be easier to just remain stupid.)

I hate Sunday television.

Thursday, May 24

~Another Rammy Day

The lively old boy had finally settled down a bit, and decided to make himself at home here. My 13 year old daughter decided that my opinion of him was unwarranted and harsh. She has taken up sides with him, against me, and together they plot my demise- of that I am sure.

As I was doing laundry today, I was searching the cupboards for some more fabric softner (should have remembered that at the store today) I ran across the key to my security in the pasture.
A ram shield.

Now to those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, this little ditty is the answer to my prayers. I latched onto it, and headed immediately outside. With the help of my DH, we lassoed him into a head catch and proceeded to place the item on his head. ~ To which he wanted no part of.

The shield, is a piece of leather, bound by nylon with buckles and closures. Imagine, if you will, placing a paper plate over a dogs forehead and muzzle. The shield prevents forward sight (rendering the ramming mechanism futile) but the shield is open to allow vision to each side. I was overjoyed.

He bound around his enclosure, bumping into things, but in about 5 minutes he had wised up to the fact that he needed to turn sideways to see anything. I took great joy in having the upperhand as I walked around his enclosure with him - confident that he couldn't see to butt me.

Now - I am sure he will be seeking revenge the very second it is removed.

Wednesday, May 23

My cat is weird.

To preface that comment, I must tell you that before 3 years ago, I thought the only good cat was a dead cat. I don't appreciate animals who do not appreciate me. If I wanted a pet that was not interactive, I would get a goldfish, or a turtle - maybe even a snake.

I think everyone loves Kitties, they way they bounce and play are endearing. Thats how "Ronnie" entered my life. He was a barn kitty - set for execution, or to be "vaccinated" as the farmer called it - with a .22 shell.

I could not look away from his fluffy orange and white stripes, and his ability to call me to him with a MMMMMroooow. The fact that his eyes were a clear blue, and seemed to beg me to hold him didn't help either. I also somehow forgot that I am allergic to cats.

So - we brought him home and named him after the farmer-friend. My DH (dear husband) was sure I was nuts. But the kids were thrilled - needless to say.

I don't know if he sensed that I saved him, or he was just happy to be in a house, instead of in a horse barn with hay to sleep in, but it didn't take him long to claim my affections.

He is the most un-cat cat I have ever seen. He lives to lounge. His entire day includes nothing more that napping, eating, about 5 minutes of extreme activity, then the normal hygenic routine.
I think I like his so much, because I admire his sloth-like qualities. I have often said that I wish to be reincarnated as him- or into a similar situation if there is life after death.

He has turned into my pet, and I am his slave. We have our time set aside for wach other...He will wait for me on the kitchen table until I come home from work. He likes to talk to me while I am on the computer. He will remind me when it is late, and I have been online entirely too long, and I need to go to bed.

He is terribly loyal, always finding my lap, and he will come when called.
What made me begin this post, is that I just saw him all sprawled out on my bathroom floor - on the nightly newspaper.
He loves paper.
Any kind of paper will do. He has to search it out, and lay on it. Maybe he is telling me it's time to clean the carpet, I don't know but I just thought that was a weird thing to do if you are a cat.

Now I am beginning to think I am the weird one - who posts about their cat?
I know some who carry on about their dogs, but thats different.
heh heh heh
:-)

Monday, May 21

Funny how time can give you an unseen perspective.

When I am away from the activity and bustle of my life - like at work, or home alone on my day off, I am seemingly more unable to cope. However, once re-immersed in it, I am able to separate fact from fiction and can deal with it in a suitable fashion.

I am realizing more and more that the phase I am entering in my life is one I have less control of.
Before, I could regulate my own life, and my family's life to the nearest millisecond. There were no interruptions from outside the family circle. I could keep most things tightly reigned - as I like them.

Now, with school activities, friends, sports and work, I find myself on the reactive end, rather than the proactive. I need to learn to deal better with the unexpected.

I cannot reasonably expect to ward off every conflict, every aggravation that invades my life. I just need to learn to deal with it, and move on. Sometimes I concentrate too much on the destination, and forget about the journey.

Re-living Junior High has not been a fun thing for me. I remember those clicques, those popular girls and guys and how I always fell right outside the circle. I see this reflected in my daughter and her struggles and it amazes me how things haven't changed a bit. I try and give her bits of well earned wisdom, knowing that she doesn't believe that I was there once.

I try to share with her, that the greatest satisfaction I have ever had, was finally realizing that I did NOT fit in there, nor did I ever want to. I wanted my own mind. I wanted to see and react to things my way - and not be a clone. I am proud of the fact that I spoke my own mind, and I didn't turn around to see if others agreed or not.

That has given me blessings, and it has caused problems. But- I don't regret never wishing I was with the "In-crowd"

I hope I can help them ride out this tidal wave.
Today is a wash.

I feel terrible. Not physically - but emotionally.
I think the weekend just drained me. Nothing moves me today.
I am a void .

I don't think it is helping my mood that I slept fitfully last night either.
~sigh~

I doubt if I will recover today, so I am placing bets on tomorrow.
It has to be better than right now.

Sunday, May 20

wow -
It's been a whole week - bloggless.
You wouldn't believe the week I've had, havent stopped running for a minute - seemingly.
Those of you who wish they were busier, and had a few more committments, please see me and I will be happy to donate a few to your cause.

The first one to be donated, would be the sports-parent.
I was never very "into" the whole sports scene personally, as a kid. I always thought that it was a no-win situation. You could be the best "whatever" in the world, and people always wanted more. Your coaches, your parents, etc. I was happier being the water carrier, the equipment manager, whatever job I would do that would have tangible aspects that could be measured and appreciated.

I realize that I mught have missed out on some great opportunities with my more than adequate frame size and realtive strength - in fact people were in awe when I told them I didn't play basketball.
There was just too much chance for failure in exposing myself to that extent. I enjoyed weightlifting immensely - but realized that even though I enjoyed it, it really disturbed some people when I had the strength of a man - and the biceps to prove it. (thanks gramma...heh heh)

So here I am - beridden with a 13 year old who LOVES to compete. you name it, she plays it. My 12 year old enjoys playing, but I see her interest in organized sports diminish with her sisters achievements.

This weekend was emotionally crushing for me.

We went to an AAU champoinship tourney. My daughter was one of 4 7th graders playing on an 8th grade team. We knew going in, that the coaches would lean heavily on the older girls, but utilize the younger ones as relief for the others. Saturday, my daughter had a great agressive defensive game, she was ON. I was very proud of her for playing faster, and harder than I had seen her play all year. We were pretty pumped going into todays games.

We ended up losing to a team from out of state, that had several 8th grade girls over 6 foot tall and nearly as big and tough as they were tall. They were the first team we had to get by today to continue in the single elimination tourney.

Today - however, we ruled. Instead of allowing them to dominate and slaughter us, we kept ahead of them with 3 exceptions the whole game. All throught the game, I watched as very few 7th graders were substituted in - and when they were, only for a few seconds, until the other girls caught their breath.

*** I totally realize this rationale from the coaches, as they wanted to keep competing, and to do so, they needed the experience and ability of the older girls. I am a coach myself, and I have been in these tough ethical dilemmas myself. "Do I put Suzy in because she is on the team, or leaver her out so we don't have turnovers?"

Well, with 39 seconds to go - my daughter had not seen 1 second of play the entire game. I was so torn up. She was the only kid who hadn't played at all that day. I could see on her face, than she felt singled out. My heart broke for her. As the seconds clicked by, and it became obvious she wouldn't play, I watched her desire to play become a desire to run off the court (actually the bench) embarassed.

I need to add that the game was very close, and we went into overtime - so the coaches were coaching, and calling plays to the girls on the court. (I hoped oblivious to the fact that she was overlooked)

As the final buzzer sounded, and the score reflected that we had lost by a hail mary 3 point shot at the last second, the team gathered together for the last huddle. I saw my daughter with her head in her hands on the bench - not including herself.

It's only a game, it's only a game it's only a game I told myself as my eyes welled up with tears for her.

Other parents who didn't notice what had happenned, looked at me quizzically. As she walked off the court, I reached for her to console her, and she just nodded and let a big fat tear of her own stain my shirt.
I apologized to her, though I didn't have reason.

I told her "They forgot, they weren't paying attention, thats what had to happen" I was sure they couldn't have intentionally omitted her.

On our way out of the fieldhouse, my emotions were a hurricane. I wanted to grab the coaches, point to her face and ask them if it was worth it. I wanted to explain to them how we had spent the entire weekend looking forward to this trip only to have it turned into possibly the worst experience in her life to date. Then I had to remind myself that life isn't fair, and sometimes it really sucks HARD.

Just then, one of the coaches stepped up, took her aside, and apologized personally to her. He said that time got away from him, and he overlooked her. He seemed genuine, and sorry. But at that moment, nothing could repair her humiliation.

She now swears that she is done with sports.
It will take kid gloves and a lot of encouragement to repair today.

I don't know if I am up to it.
I am spent.

It really hurts to be a parent sometimes. I never knew just how personal it can get, and how involved your own feelings become when it had to do with someone else hurting your kids.

~sigh~
I need a beer.

Sunday, May 13

I had a great day today.
Fabulous.

Not only did my family try to be on their best behavior and help me do things they usually might growl if asked, I got to see a lot of my extended family.

Especially my grandparents.
I hate how life can twist your priorities, and available time. I am sure that I am not the first person to feel that they have overtaken their available time with an abundance of non-tangible activities, and let some of the more important things slide.

I deeply regret that my grandparents live almost three hours away, and that I don't TAKE the time to see them more often than 3 or 4 times a year. I need to revamp my priorities. I am happy for the fact that they take several months of the year and live in Florida - that is time they have more than earned for themselves - but we can't afford to go down and see them there every year.

I am talking about the 2 most influential people in my life. I have surmised, after a lot of deep thinking on my part that the time I spent with them while I was very young (which was a whole lot, more than "normal" kids do) I ended up somehow bonding with them, rather than my "biological" parents.

Now I don't mean that I didn't fit in at home, or that I don't love my parents - but with my grandparents, it just FELT different. Theirs was the comfort I longed for - even to this day. I look to them for answers, assistance, and to talk openly and freely with me about my life, and theirs.

I see the years in their faces now.
I feel the emotion they have, and I see it in the tears that my grandpa can't control any longer when he sees my children growing up before his very eyes. He hates the fact that those tears tell on him.

When we part, I just want to hug them for the longest time and be able to take us all back to when I was 3 and I would help grandpa mow the yard on the big (to me) John Deere tractor, and help Grandma pick tomatoes in the garden. They move me deeply. I want to hide them away forever from time. To keep them with me always, as they have been so far.

I have to tell you a story about my grandparents.

I had been married, maybe a year. It was winter, and my husband had been laid off work. I wasn't working, because I had just had a baby. We were broke. Dead, flat broke.

My grandparents, are by no means poor - they have saved over the years, and have a comfortable lifestyle.

I didn't know where to turn, as we had bills to pay, and food and diapers were needed for the baby. I look back now, and wonder how we ever made it at all. But the only place I knew I could turn was my grandparents. I absolutely HATED doing it. By asking for help - that meant I had failed somewhere. But now I had no other way to go.

So one evening, after sitting and crying at the table trying to figure out how we might be able to get through one more week, I called.

Grandpa answered the phone, and we proceeded to chat about things here and there, and then I told him I had to ask him a question. He seemed concerned, and hesitated.
By that time, Grandma had picked up the extention in another room, and was listening in. She immediately asked what I needed to know -

I took a deep breath, and asked them if I could borrow $200.00
* Today - $200.00 isn't even something I would lose sleep over, but then, to me, it was a fortune.

There wasn't even a blink, and they both said SURE!
Grandpa kind of chuckled, and asked if I was sure I didn't need more... but I declined. I told them I would pay them back within the next month, and they said not to hurry, and to take my time.

I recieved that money, and returned it within 3 weeks.
To this day - my return check to them has never been cashed.

Now that might seem trite, and unimportant to some, but that was my life preserver.
Through many trials in my life, they have been my foundation, a safe haven I can go and there are no questions, no judgment, and nothing but love.

That will be an irreplaceable facet of my life.

Saturday, May 12

~Gasp~
The dutiful DH just left (kids in tow) to go find me the most perfect Mothers Day present ever.
(kinda like waiting for the Great Pumpkin)
(must I tell you that there is only 4 hours until it is officially Mothers Day?)

Hopefully, they remembered the gift giving instructions I gave them several years ago when I recieved a
NEW SHOWER HEAD for my birthday.

Those of you who are practical, would very much appreciate a new showerhead, with 15 different settings for your birthday, but not me.

If they don't want to involve manual labor, like I mentioned before, and resolve to spend money on me, there is a list of guidelines I must apply.

1.) Don't buy me anything that will benefit YOU - like a new lawn tractor. Power tools are not a good idea either.

2.) Don't presume I love to cook - a new mixer or food processor might make me weep.
3.) Don't buy me a swimsuit - EVER
4.) Don't get me a treadmill or any other exercise equipment - "you think I am fat???"

I just stopped myself, and wondered what was left.
crap - I almost ruled out everything.

All I asked for was a Llama and some chickens, and that got VETOED
sheeesh.
doesn't everyones mom want a Llama and some chickens?
I can hardly wait until tomorrow....

I almost left without leaving a commentary on the rapidly approaching holiday.
I can't believe I almost forgot.

Mothers Day.

Whatta joke.

This holiday is almost worse than Christmas. The ultimate guilt trip for families. Even this so-called "Mothers Day" is exhausting for the moms. Look at it from my point of view for a minute.

First of all - everyone thinks that they have to rush out and get their mom something "special", something that will announce to everyone (especially her) just how special she is.
So what do we want?
Not a gucci bag, not some flowers that die in 30 minutes, no candy - god knows our butts are already too big from all that driving we do. What we WANT - is one day off from doing all the annoying mommy things. (remember, I have only been a mom for 13 years)

Wanna make me happy? Do my laundry - clean my house - cook me dinner and then make the kitchen look like you were never NEAR it. Don't kick your sister, don't paint your toenails on my new couch, clean your room, don't ask me if you have any clean socks for tomorrow,don't run with sharp objects, feed the dogs, clean out the refirgerator, wash my curtains..............you get the idea.

I don't want your money, (it's probably some I gave you anyway) I just want something that has no pricetag - your respect and your willingness to make my life a little easier.

One of the greatest gifts, would be for you to sit me down, and thank me. Thank me for not sending you with the Gypsies when they were in town and looking for recruits that one time.....Or for not telling everyone in your 5th grade class that you once washed your hair in the toilet when you were 2.
Tell me that you really don't think that I am the worst mother because I won't let you jump off a bridge, just because "johnny's" mother let him.

A simple heartfelt "I LOVE YOU" or a "Thanks Mom" would do my heart good.

Is that too much to ask?
thought so.....hee hee
I know you would rather spend $19.95 and forego the manual labor.

Drive Drive Drive.....
Thats all that I got done today.

We had a lamb show, the first of the season to go to today. We always go. but then we always get our butts kicked, and vow to never go again, which is exactly what we did today. These shows, especially in the beginning of the season are mostly made up of jocks - who make several hundred dollars by driving around the state in search of $$ - we were definately out of our league.
But it gets the girls out, and practicing. We seem to have very good years in our county club - when we suck bad at the early sales. so I am encouraged.

Back to driving.
I hate driving. What a waste of my time. And it's not the fact that I would be doing anything else, but I don't like to just sit there for hours. Not to mention my driving skills are severely limited to begin with.
I am a good driver, I just don't like to be challenged. And challenge to me, is anything that isn't within a 20 mile radius of my house. Give me six lanes, a handful of semi's, several exits approaching, noisy kids in the back seat, and I am a basket case. I just can't take it.

A fate worse than death to me would be driving a full schoolbus through Atlanta,GA at 5:00pm.

So I am the happy co-pilot. I plot routes, watch signs and do anything else I possibly can to remove myself from the actual task of driving. I also cannot sleep in a moving car - so that makes me good for all nighters.

DH (dear husband) is sure he is cursed.

Thursday, May 10

The Mushrooms have evacuated their spot in my kitchen sink.

The hilarious part of this relocation, is that they now occupy my refrigerator, that eternal resting place for tupperwear. When scientists exhume this farmstead, several thousand years from now, and discover the remains of a Whirlpool refrigerator, you can bet those mushrooms/sans bugs will still be there.

It's more than just a lack of motivation to remove old items, its more of a scientific experiment gone awry.
I am afraid to touch several things in there now, because I don't think there would be anything my hazmat training could do to save me should I spill some of it on me.

You might get the impression I am somewhat slovenly....well I am absolutely NOT.
Its just that things with doors are an ethical hang up for me.

If I can shut the door, and no one will ever intentionally see it....does it still count if it's messy?
(I know mom - I know)
what can I say
Until I get over my ramphobia - I must update everyone daily as to how he is manipulating my mind.

Today, for instance. I am getting around to go out to the barn and shear sheep and wait for the vet. He senses my forthcoming presence and begins to pace back and forth along the fence. I watch him every few minutes or so, expecting him to come and ring the doorbell and ask me to come out to play.

Once ready - I head outside. He is no where to be seen. Not in the pasture, not along the fence, and I can't see into his room in the barn, so I can't say for sure that he's there either.

I tiptoe to the barn, wound like a spring, ready for his surprise attack from behind the garage or around the corner of the house. I pass by both vehicles without incident - then sprint to the barn, closing the door behind me. (pictuing me sprinting should have most of you in tears by now by the way)

Content that he must be in the barn in his quarters I set out to shear my lambs.
Maybe he isn't a demon spawn after all. Maybe I am just having some post-traumatic stress anxiety.
Maybe I really ought to check into a safe place where my delusions won't bother anyone.
Days off are very noteworthy. The vet finally got here - 12:00 not too bad for a vet - at least he made it in the same month. I am thrilled.
The visit, though only taking approximately 20 minutes will probably cost me nearly $100.00 Those lambs didn't even say thanks.

BTW- I am starving.
FYI - I hate grocery shopping
therin lies the irony - aka agony.

a quick scan of my refirgerator led me to believe that I live in some third world country where pickles and jelly are worshipped. I contemplated using the jelly as dip for my pickles and then I spied a head of lettuce whos expiration date ended in BC and promptly lost my appetite.
I quickly closed the door so whatever was moving towards the front in there wouldn't have time to reach me before the light went out.

DH (dear husband) brought home some Morel mushrooms last night that he found while he was working.
I love mushrooms, but I like to see them for the first time, on the plate, fried and ready to be eaten. Much the same way I wouldn't appreciate chasing down a cow in the field to grab a burger, or to skin my own cat for some sweet and sour authentic chinese food.

So here sits these thingys - floating in my sink. All of the bugs that were living inside these miniature A-frame houses have intelligently crawled to a high spot and they are waiting for the flood waters to recede.
I check on them periodically, to see if bugs have an organized coast guard rescue system.
So far - they are still waiting - and I will wait until DH can prepare them correctly and serve them to me for supper tonight. I never signed any contract that said I had to touch those things in their natural state anyway.
Today is my day off. I have several things that need done, along with 2 different ballgames to attend tonight, at two different places and times.
I should have paid more attention when we were learning division in grade school.
But - here I am. Held hostage by a vet who is coming out to give our lambs health papers for the show season. His promise was to be here between 8 am and 8pm today.
What can I do.
Maybe I will send him out to the ram pen when he gets here and see if he can go 8 seconds.
I also have about 4 lambs that I could be shearing for a show we are going to this weekend..I suppose I really should get to the barn....
~sigh~

Wednesday, May 9

Whatta loser.
I can't even configure my time zone.
HECK
It aint Thursday yet...
shhhheeeesh
This place is really odd.
I could write and write and write and never fill it up. It would always take more.
I could leave now, come back , and it would be happy to see me.
Kind of like my dog - or my washing machine

Did I miss you?
You came by and I wasn't here, didn't you? Next time leave me a note for Petes sake. I can't be everywhere.

After today - I really think that children are God's way of punishing people for having sex. SURE - they start out all cute and everything, but then before you know it, you turn into an idiot and they steal all of your money and then want the car. Maybe I should press charges.
WHY DIDNT MY PARENTS WARN ME?
(oh yeah - I guess they did, but I was a kid and was too busy taking their money and driving their car)
Well, it's too late to save me now - so I expect all of you who don't have kids to TAKE HEED.

My teenager is the spitting image of me at her age - only slightly better. I was a freak - snd she is only slightly freaky. I warned her ahead of time that I was already hip to her gig - so she should just save her energy and be a nice, happy, perfect child. Wanna wager that she will listen? - me neither.

My mom thinks that I am borderline militiant....thinks I am too constrictive. Unfortunately, no matter how deluded my thinking is I still believe I have a right to know ALL the friends, and their phone numbers and addresses. I listen to top 40 music so I know what they listen to....and can make disgusting commentaries while we have a vehicle load full of their friends. I look into bookbags, drawers, lockers
They know that they can run........but not hide. I will catch them eventually.
IT IS MY JOB TO KNOW EVERYTHING
Then - my best friend calls me and tells me something I had no idea about.

It's tough being a mom.


I can't believe that I forgot to add this yesterday....
maybe my brain is on Middle Eastern Time or something,.
Our neighbor brought over the Ram that we share for our ewes (we raise sheep, FYI)
It is our turn to babysit him over the summer, and through the winter.
This SOB is the one that nailed me last summer and left me with a volleyball sized bruise on the inside of my leg for 2 weeks, and a limp for a month.
At that time, he weighed about 200 pounds.

I ran out to open the pasture for the trailer and I was just POSITIVE that the behemoth in that enclosure was NOT the same animal I remembered. Our neighbor was pleased as punch to be dropping the sucker off, as he seemed to have gained about 150 pounds and 8 inches in height over the past winter.
Once out of the trailer, the ram proceeded to butt everything - evidently testing the ease at which he could snap things with his head should he ever become bored with his incarceration.
I, on the other hand, had to return to the house to change my pants.
I haven't been outside yet.
I sit here in the house imagining him turning over scenarios in his head. Enacting scenes from a day when I go out to check the lambs and don't see him hidden away in the feed room, and he can surprise me sufficiently to smash me into pie filling.
I am 5'9" and he could rest his chin on my shoulder quite easily.
He is out there waiting. A land shark.
I think he will get a big cowbell tomorrow.
Sheeeeesh -
what am I, a moron magnet?
you wouldn't believe the things people do, sometimes I think I have to be on Candid Camera because people are just NOT that stupid.
then I wake up and realize that they are.

Why is it that most people float through life without a purpose, depending on reality, or other actions to bump them through life? I realize that you don't know what I do for a living, so I must enlighten you.
I work in a doctors office. (thats my own fault, I know)
For instance....
Today, there was a mom who called in for her 7 week old baby. she had noticed that the baby stopped breathing occasionally, and would like to have the doctor see him. WELLLLL her specific doctor wasn't in, but I asked her to bring the baby RIGHT in, because apnea is NOT an acceptable alternative to breathing..
She declined, saying she would rather wait until her doctor was in.......
HERES YOUR SIGN DIMWIT!!!!
sheeeeesh.

Like I said, thats my life. Responding daily to those who have no sense. It's really no wonder I think I am the only sane person on this planet. (I am, aren't I?)

I relish my peace at the keyboard. I can arrange everything just the way I like it. UNTIL my 13 year old decides that she likes Backstreet Boys as the default screensaver - that nearly sent me to the nearest mental treatment facility.
THIS IS MY STUFF - hands off
I spend 80% of my time deleting retarded teeny bopper e-mails that have 47 attatchments tied to them about how to find out if your crush thinks your HOT, or what your favorite color of nail polish says about you... I don't remember being that insecure at 13.....was I?
(insert keyword SHEEEESH here)
well,,, thats about all.
I didn't really mean to turn my blog into a whog - which is a combination of a whine and a blog, but dammit - thats what it's here for. My own free association.
Sorry I wasn't very entertaining tonight
:-)
ahhh - that was nice.
This morinig I didn't have to get up early to go to work, so I did my impersonation of a sloth.
(I am very good at it.)
I can't figure out those people who have to rush out of bed in the morning to be productive. That really goes against my grain. I don't get into full brain capacity until at least 6pm.
Happy, caffiene filled co-workers at 7:30 am really jerk my chain. Heck - coworkers at all, usually jerk my chain. Whoops - there I go being anti-social.

Now that it's 9:30 - and they called to determine that I was still coming in........sigh
I better get moving. heh heh heh

Tuesday, May 8

11:05
silly me - back again.
you know that I just had to go back and see what it looked like, didn't you?
Everyone is asleep - which is really where I should be too. BUT I just got back from a meeting
(you know those things you are expected to have, but no one ever really accomplishes anything?)

This is pretty much my first go at an "Official" in a club that my kids belong to. I had some really great ideas that I was sure would change the way we did things. Silly me (again) My new ideas evidently, are a bit too new for the old farts. (Surrrrprise)
~note to self: change is never easy, and if you are a woman asking for the changes, be prepared for the men to look at you with squinty eyes and wrinkled brows because they know you are just a sappy woman who should be cooking something.
AAAK

so now what do I do? can we vote?
do I go wake up my husband as I crawl into bed, making him ask me why I was so late?
NOOOOPE....I will just sit here and vex.


10:52 pm Tuesday
Well - is there a Welcome Wagon here, or What?
I don't see any cookies or punch.

As my maiden voyage - akin to a Chernobyl accident, I feel I should add a disclaimer...
I didn't ASK you to come here!
(Well, maybe just a few of you)

I have to wonder what I am thinking. Why am I here, doing this?
I'm thinking that blogging will be spectacularly, fabulously, cathartic.
who knows.....
I have to go think of something I want to say now.
;-)