Friday, November 30

I nearly forgot to post that my daughter will be 14 tomorrow.

Those of you with children will understand my total consternation about the concept of time, and how it relates to children growing up.

I remember wanting her to be old enough to hold her own head up so we wouldn't have to treat her like a fragile piece of china. Then I remember looking forward to the day she would walk, then school, then something else, and so on and so forth.

I know lament here frequently about how frustrated and challenged I feel trying to raise our kids...and I wonder every year if I will allow them to live long enough to see another birthday. But it is really amazing to me how each stage of life moves by and before you know it you go from diapers to car keys.

All you can do is try to keep a good sense of humor about it all. Kids are little people too, with their own ideas, personalities and life plans - even if they aren't what you might have chosen for them.

I realize now, that there is little else I can do to shape her. I can guide, advise and punish if necessary, but she really is the one calling the shots for the most part. I hope she ends up happy with her decisions, but lets face it - who does?

The next few years will be the hardest in her life, and maybe mine too. She will start to grow as her own person and not a mirror image of me. I hope I can grow too, and allow her to be herself.
more work........just what I look forward to.

Man, I start writing these thoughts and then they jump up and bite me on the butt.
Yes, I've slept a few times since I last blogged.

Sometimes I figure you might need the break, and I figured you deserved it after all the Feline Hospital and then funeral posts! Most things have smoothed over nicely since then.

During that time, I learned many things about marriage, and the diplomacy aspect of it. I think now, I would be a very good ambassador to one of our hostile nations..maybe Iraq.

My husband was very vociferous about not EVER needing another house pet. "When the current house dog dies, thats IT" NO MORE PETS. He didn't say "read my lips" though, so I was not completely discouraged.

You see...he has a tough exterior, and he likes to believe that he is in charge.
As an intelligent woman, I am aware I need to let him flex that muscle occasionally, until he sees the error of his ways. I must sometimes guide him to that revalation though.

Trying on the submissive role for once, I schemingly cornered him one evening and I told him that I really shouldn't force him into allowing me to get another pet. If he felt that we didn't need one, I would agree, and abide by his wishes.

(I got a really strange, eyebrows up, quizzical look with this approach, as I think he knew I was up to something.)

I then told him that I would "obey" his wishes ON ONE CONDITION, and ONE CONDITION ONLY.

That I recieve the same respect. (insert OOOOHH and AAAAAW here)

He knew he was a goner from that point on.

I went on to say that if I were willing to respect him and not rock the boat, and unquestioningly agree with his wishes, the next time he wanted something I though unnecessary, that he shouldn't question my arguement either.

I think he rationalized that my "free" housecat was a small price to pay for buying back my veto power.

Now, if only I had never replaced the cat. Which is what a SANE person whould have done...but I didn't.
I lasted until Thursday night, then I snatched up my favorite kitten from our last barn litter and she is now my new project.
I had nearly forgotten how much entertainment value is in a new pet. They get everywhere, jump on things not for jumping, and try to eat everything - edible or not. She is so far a near exact personality match with Ronnie. She likes to be lazy and cuddle. best thing about a cat or kitten, no puddles or "treats" to step in at 3am on your way to the bathroom.

She just LOVES our dog Sadie. Sadie doesn't know quite what to think, as Ronnie was scared to death of her and she enjoyed terrorizing him. It's hilarious watching this kitten rub all over Sadie. The dog sleeps in a crate, and is also in it when we are gone. The kitten has taken to sleeping on TOP of the cage, just to be close to her.

I'm a happy camper.

My husband is still a little bewildered though.

Sunday, November 25

We left approximately one hour after burying my cat to leave for the weekend, and the wedding.
I'm glad I had something else to do this weekend, other than roll around in greif stricken chaos.

My husband wanted me to just go put him into our trash pit out in the pasture, but I wanted nothing of the sort.
I buried him across the yard, across from my window where I sit at my computer. I have fond memories of him hopping up on my keyboard after I had been online way too long, and he thought it was time for us to go to bed. I think I might plant some flower bulbs there, so I will have a little shrine to admire.

The wedding and reception was great. Not so much the festive decorations, or the place or food, but merely the kinship. Like I said before, there aren't many opportunities anymore for my whole family to get together and carry on like it's the party of the century.
It was really great to see that my cousin selected a wonderful bride, and they get along famously.

I watched in awe as during the "kiss" part of the wedding, he planted a sinfully lengthy smooch that lasted almost an entire minute....and then carried her out to the limo.

I was a little jealous maybe. I remember those days.....
Unfortunately for me, they have been somewhat replaced by mortage payments, washing underwear and shuttling kids to school practices. I would like to feel swept off my feet again......

I am fairing pretty well, post-Ronnie. I still expect him to hop in bed for his scratch, follow me into the bathroom to play fetch the paper ball or to come home from work and have him waiting on the corner of the kitchen table to greet me. That makes me sad. Very sad actually, but I will overcome.

I've thought of getting a different cat, but my fear is I will never find another one like him. He was not like most cats I've met. He was more dog/beanie baby than a cat. I would be really disappointed to get another cat and have it be one of those aloof cats that didn't give a shit that you were there or not.

My husband tried to tell me that we were NOT going to get another house pet - period. While I agree to a certain extent, I couldn't get over the thought of him thinking he could TELL ME what to do. That cemented my position ON getting some type of animal of MY choice. If I could, I'd get a damn Llama and litter box train it now.

If he'd only phrased it differently, and maybe a little more respectfully I might have agreed not to look for another pet. But now, it's only a matter of time. I really raked him over the coals for that one.

And yet, another weekend shot completely in the butt. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow either. I had planned that Friday after the holidays would be a very busy day, but it was very quiet. I guess that means the our office will be teeming with people come tomorrow mornig. No one wants to go to the doctor when there are other things going on....they will wait until the following day and all pile in.
AAk..... better eat my Wheaties in the AM.

Well, if anyone knows of a kind, gentle, loving and cuddly kitten, who also happens to be long haired and an orange tabby....let me know.
Snobby cats need not apply.


Saturday, November 24

Ronnie died this morning. News at 11.
You can E-mail me hugs to express your sympathy.
(trying to grin)

Friday, November 23

Pretty "blog-lite" lately, eh?

Well, aside from the fact that I have been hideously busy with tiny miniscule things, I haven't had a spare second to tell any tales.
Thanksgiving went very nicely. I was all knotted up for a while that everything would taste okay and get done at the right time, et cetera..but then I realized that it didn't matter all that much. I have to remind myself sometimes just to chill and enjoy the ride. That can be tough for me.

I noticed a funny thing while I was elbow deep in the damn turkey...I realized how everyone relates holidays with food. You can't have a good holiday without the customary foods. Halloween has the candy, so does Valentine's day. Easter has either lamb or get the picture. And EVERYONE has their own special recipe's...well....because it just wouldn't be ___________ without grandma's special ___________. Sentiment must be focused in the taste buds.

We are leaving tomorrow to attend my cousins wedding about 3 hours south of here. We got a room so we could be up late and not worry about driving home. I am really looking forward to seeing all my family.

I don't enjoy, that as the years go by we are going through a mitosis of sorts where each family is dividing into it's own individual cells and the larger organism is slowly breaking apart. We used to have these huge sleepovers at Grandma's on Thanksgiving. Everyone would stay the night, and get up early to eat breakfast and then go shopping.

I miss that closeness. Now that Grandma and Grandpa winter in Florida we are left with only Christmas to see each other as an entire unit.
I feel fortunate to have that bond.

I am still doing kitty duty. I feel comfortable enough to leave him here unattended while we are gone, as over the past few days he hasn't been acting quite so weird, and he isn't as jaundiced. He is dehydrated yet, and to cover my butt over the weekend, I went to the vet's and got an IV setup and I am giving him IV fluids to cover anything he might not eat or drink while we are gone. If nothing else, he is giving me a good education in animal medicine.

I didn't even cover all the things I am thankful for. The list is endless, and ever changing and very personal to me. I am sure you are all in it somewhere.

Monday, November 19

To those of you who know me, and know this is here.
Feel privaleged.

I guess the cat got out of the proverbial bag, and now my mommy has heard of my "wonderful" writings on life as I know it.

Of course, she would love to be privvy to this address, and I am having a tough time thinking of enough tangible reasons why I don't want someone THAT close to me or my life reading everything I thoughtfully purge here. The few who are here, who know me, have been invited. So I am comfortable with you reading all my disturbing and skewed thoughts. I can't imagine how my future stories about my life and childhood would have to be "creatively edited" if someone who could disinherit me was a subscriber!

I know you would all miss the insights on how I became so warped. As of now, even the characters names (except Ronnie) have been changed to protect the much further I could go without upsetting the delicate balance of humor and sarcasm is unknown..

I may be forced to open a dummy site, where life is happy and carefree...
you know,, kind of like me, on Prozac for the masses.

God save us all.
I really should read my horoscope BEFORE I go about my day.

Here I sit, and it's 11:35 and I come across it on my startup page. It says;
"Throw your datebook away and have a fun day enjoying yourself without restrictions."

Damn...whatta waste.

On the other hand, my personal "guide" online, thought that today was a good day to make good on all my debts. Sorry First Federal, you WON'T be getting a $75,000 check in the mail. Bill me.
Unless, of course, that meant commit husbandicide - and just my luck, he's being a model guy right now.

There really is a place for EVERYTHING on the web. You name your vice or perversion, and there are literally hundreds of sites for the viewing. I'm not very proud to admit it, but has a few doozies I check out regularly. Some of it is WAY too much gory information, but (some) is informational.
All in the name of education I say.

Cat saga is much the same. If he is getting better, he's doing it in minute shifts, unnoticible to the naked eye. I don't see him losing much ground, although his frame is rapidly decreasing in density. Which is expected when one does not eat or drink for 5 days.

Maybe there is a cat "Survivor" show in the planning, and he is in conditioning. I don't get the Cat Fancy magazine, so I really wouldn't know about those things.
(When death is impending, I rely on my sick sense of humor to pull me through)

Tomorrow should be interesting..... I have the day off, which means I am at the mercy of my husbsand's honey-do list. I always thought that the WOMAN got to make out those damn lists, but here I am..
I get to load up two of our sheep and take them to auction.

I can hitch the trailer, I can drive and load the trailer, but I have this sinking feeling that I am going to end up at the auction barn and about 50 Amish men are going to gather around to watch this dame jacknife her trailer RIGHT into the unloading ramp. I am actually stressed about this. I can do ANYTHING I want to, as long as I can do it ALONE, and there aren't any witnesses.

I am sure I will either pull the "Oh my gosh, I'm a girl, wouldn't you HELP me back this silly thing?"
or it will be easy like a drive-through at McDonalds.
I hate to resort to the "stupid female" gag, but hey, if it saves me face, and a few hundred dollars damage - I'm all for it.

So pray for me.... don't laugh and point because that wold be rude.
Animal hospital updates...

Still doing the meds every 12 hours. He is becoming more testy each time, so I don't know if that is good bad or indifferent. I really hadn't expected him to live this long with his absence of eating and drinking. Last night though, instead of racing back under the couch like the hounds of hell were after him, he dawdled a bit in the kitchen, looking around and hopping in the litterbox and taking his first drink of water.

I seem to always get myself in these situations where I just wait for something to die. Be it a lamb or a cat, I'm a good angel of death.

Other bed news, is that our weather here will soon be turning normal. By that I mean, the last few weeks we have had unseasonably warm temps. Now we are looking at snow in the next 24-48 hours.
yecch. I have no use for snow, unless it falls on Christmas, and melts by Dec. 26th. But that is my cross to bear living here in Indiana.

We are going to have a really cool Thanksgiving. So far, all of my family has abandoned any request to have a formal get together. With my brother engaged, they are going to her parents house, and my mom is going to her "boyfriends" we will be free and unattached. We have tentative plans to do a very casual lunch with friends. That will be perfect, as both our husbands HAVE to go hunting immediately after lunch - neither one of them have bagged a deer yet. (sigh)

Thats about all for today. I have to go and get ready to have fun today at work.
I know you wish you were as lucky as I am!

Saturday, November 17

Me here.

Still doing kitty ER....I now smell like a vet's office. I never knew what that smell was EXACTLY - but it's something that is easy to recognize and all offices smell that way. It's the liquid vitamins. It seeps into your pores!
Ronnie isn't very appreciative of me trying to save him, either. He hasn't used the litterbox that I know of, he hasn't drank more than a lick that I know of, and I had quite the assortment of intriguing food items out of the cupboard to try and entice him into eating anything.

Usually sweetened condensed milk from a can is a fabulous treat reserved for kittens - no dice.
I opened a can of tuna, that only recieved a whiff. In sheer desparation I opened a can of chicken breast and was delighted to watch him take 3 or 4 licks of broth...but that was it. If he is no better by Tuesday, I will have to seriously consider his quality of life, and contemplate putting him down. (sobbb)

Not only was the husband LESS than thrilled I took him to the vet at all, but he went as far as to say:

"That was money I could have spent on something".

Yeah - he's pretty sensitive.

Anyway - this weekend has been a wash- haven't done anything, haven't seen anyone, but tomorrow we have a Thanksgiving get together with his family. It won't be a really close intimate gathering, more a collossal collection of aunts, cousins, uncles and family all packed together long enough to eat and make an appearance. My kind of socialization :-)

I suppose it' only natural to some extent to not "GEL" with a family besides your own, but I look at his, and I look at mine with totally different eyes. I don't usually wear my glasses there, just for that purpose.

Today was also a least in Indiana. It was OPENING DAY of deer season. Don't get me wrong, deer have sustained myself and my family, as we consume the venison my husband tags, but the whole ORDEAL is just hilarious to me.

Men make fun of women, but I don't think women can even come close to being as annoying as two (or more) men who are "into" the season.

We get telephone calls ALL DAY LONG and INTO THE NIGHT from his friends wanting to know what he's seen, where he saw it, and if he killed it. This lovely communication goes on until everyone he knows has a carcass hanging in their garage or barn. We even have to devote 2 to 3 hours of TV time on Saturday and Sunday watching OTHER hunters hit/miss/tag their prey.
Usually thats when I get the most done around the house.
I just don't understand it.

Maybe if I had a hobby that was borderline mania, like missing white sock hunt,
or teenage butt kicking I could get so wrapped up in it.

My husband came home today after sitting somewhere in the fog looking for deer that he couldn't see and asked me how my day was. I couldn't even get past the girls driving me crazy. I had that blank stare, and flexed jaw thing going on. I could only seethe through my clamped teeth.

He asked what he could do to make it better, and all I could come up with was for him to put them in a bag with some rocks and pretend they were puppies and throw them off a bridge. While I consciously know that this is not a REAL solution, It did make me peaceful and regretful after saying it. Kind of purged my psyche.

Speaking of teenage butt kicking, I have been feeling pretty impotent around the house lately. I am beginning to think that I am invisible. I think the girls just like to hear me get so frustrated with them that I can't talk proper. I start by asking something, and then the conversation gets away from me and before I know it I am so angry I just can't think straight, let alone remember their names. CLEAN YOUR ROOM turns into WEAN THE BROOM......and you know how that works. How can you take seriously, a mother yelling directions at you in code that only she understands?

I can only hope it is early stage Alzheimers.

I get all hardcore on them, and then I feel pity for the wrath I unroll.
can't they just do what I ask. aak.

I really do try to stop myself and remember how much fun I was at 13/14...
And then I am surprised that I lived through it.

I really think there is a point, that I must have thrust my parents through at about this time in my upbringing where it is easier as a parent to just heave in that white towel and let the kid, for all practical purposes GO.

Of course capital offenses would still be forwarded as punishable events, but there IS A POINT where you just have to bail off the burning boat and save yourself, or perish too.
I think my parents bought a lifejacket before they embarked.

I have no intention of jumping therefore, I intend to go crazy.
They will just have to pay for my rubber room and white coat when I go. Thats revenge.
I was going to say get old, but hell, I could go tomorrow.

Just a moody weekend.

my best friend (in the animal world) is dying,
my kids are melting my 3 brain cells,
and my husband wants to talk about deer.

Either pray for me, or send money so I can run away.
I would prefer to run alone, but if you are gonna pay for the trip, we can talk.

Still sad

AP Press Release, Indiana, USA

"Ronnie" the big, fat loving housecat who took ill and was hospitalized on Thursday, has returned home.
Preliminary tests initially diagnosed Feline Leukemia, and an undiagnosed liver disorder.

The Leukemia, which is a potentially fatal disease can be managed quite well and the animal may live a normal life, as long as the cat is constantly observed for illness.

The liver concern, however is a much more serious problem at this point. They were unable to identify the cause for his elevated levels, and now we are just giving supportive measures to hopefully turn him back around.

I'm not very hopeful, as he is still hiding and not eating or drinking.
It may be a long week or so.

Thursday, November 15


Tonight is a sad, lonely night.
I am without my companion, and my crutch.

Lately he has been acting strange. I haven't seen him eat too much in days, and he has started hiding in odd places. At first I didn't really miss him, as he takes off to be alone when he feels like it, and then comes and finds me when he wants to make up, and needs some loving.

He always likes to come to bed with me. He will curl up next to me and just sleep. Happy to know that I am there.

Ok - who didn't know I was talking about my cat?

I finally got tired of my husband telling me that I would find him under a bed or curled up in a closet dead sometime soon. Not that he was concerned, he just likes to needle me.

I had to break out the can opener to look for him today, the can opener is like pavlov's bell to Ronnie. Wherever he is in the house, he comes THUNDERING to the kitchen to find the food source as soon as he hears the clackety-clack of the dumb machine.

Well, I made a hell of a noise, all through the house today looking for him. What I did get, was a pathetic meeeeowwwwrrrrlll from somewhere....I didn't know where. I looked in closets, under beds, behind the TV and finally found him stuffed under the couch. There aren't any other weird symptoms, other than his recent distaste for company, and affection to being stuffed somewhere in the dark.

So I loaded him up, and took him to the vet.
They quizzically looked at me when I said he wasn't vomiting, had no fever, was eating, and doing the other messy items. The only thing I had to go on was that he wasn't acting "right"

But they happily agreed to keep him, look at him and bill me some astronimical amount to tell me he was just being weird. (I hope) I won't know anything until maybe Saturday, and he will get to probably come home tomorrow.

But for now, I just think of him there in his kitty jail waiting on mom to post the bail.

Wednesday, November 14

Color me Tired


We are moving out of the "safe zone" of breeding season, and nearly into the full throes of the upcoming lambing season. I felt the first shift of my world begin last night.

We were to have some adult females ultrasounded for pregnancy verification. Thats a good thing.
The slightly difficlut part of that, was that all of the ones we wanted to do are not currently at our house.
SO - that meant loading a few here, and then going to our good friends house to get the rest.
Not a gigantic project, but enough to need to get a head start.

Luckily for us, we have a really GREAT "GOD"-shepherd of our flock who had corralled the into the barn so we did not have to chase them all over heck, so that part went prettily easily.

We were slated to start our scanning session at about 9:30 pm, which is late, but you have to understand, the lady who scans our sheep is alsmot like Haley's Comet, you have to catch her on her way through, or forget it. Soooooo.... we arrive at the scanning destination to find the barn dark, and no one around at 9:38. (our sheep were to be after a load of 58, so we were not presuming we were late)

Someone steps out of the house and says "Oh, didn't you hear, they won't be here till midnight."

So for two and 1/2 hours we killed time waiting. The scanners showed up at 12:15 and we were finished and home at 2am. I was/am pooped, but I will look at this as good conditioning for the nights of barn checks where I am up 2 times a night checking on ewes.

The scan results were great, only 2 adult sheep were not pregnant, and they will go to new homes soon.

We also know exactly how many lambs each ewe will have, thanks to the scan, and also approximately when they will get here. That is a very big hopefully will save me some time worrying.
(don't count on it)

Sunday, November 11


I love weekends...mostly.

I really love the mental freedom that starts at about noon on Friday at work, when you start the countdown. I don't care if I don't have anything planned at all, I just can't wait to leave.

Saturday is wonderful, fill it full, or leave it empty and screw off....whatever you like.

Sunday though, thats when the Friday joy starts to go in reverse. I get into panic mode, trying to remember why I screwed around all day on Saturday when there was so much to do before I go back to work!!

I hate sunday evenings...thats when I go clean the office.
If you didn't already know, I work at a doctor's office. I volunteered to also clean because they were offering a ridiculous sum for a job that on a BAD day would take 90 minutes.
(I clean a little bit here and there all week so I don't have to kill myself on Sundays.)


I go in tonight, and as I am sweeping my mind wanders a little. I don't know where I am at, specifically, but I do catch some movement off to my left and down the hall.

That kind of spooked me so I looked again and saw nothing.
As I started sweeping again, I saw the same movement....I thought whatever it was had waited until the noise of the sweeper could cover their moves. After going through this about three times,
I realized that I was scared of my own reflection in the door window at the end of the hall.

My mind likes to take off on odd tangents occasionally. I am an avid consumer of Stephen King and I have most of his creepy tales imbedded in my mental hard drive. I have backup copies on the shelf
in case they ever start to fade.

I find myself in situations sometimes;
in the barn after I shut off all the lights,
in the basement trying to reset the fuses,
in the bathtub when no one is get the picture.

I was a big believer in night lights when I was little. I even had to have the night light in the closet so I could leave the closet door open, and see everything that was inside. I grew up a chicken.

One time, I heard a noise coming from downstairs when I was maybe 5 years old. It was in the middle of the night, of course, so I had to go investigate. Yep - it was still there, making noise once I got to the top of the stairs.

I tiptoed back into the safety of my room, removed all of my shoes from my closet and a few Barbies too if I recall correctly.
I sat at the top of the stairway and proceeded to throw them down into the darkenss that was our living room, one by one. My hopes were, that whatever was rummaging through our cupboards and running the water in the sink would show itself by attacking the shoes and/or Ken and Skipper so I could get a good look at it and figure out how to kill it.

It was a very smart monster. I couldn't trick it. It must have seen my shoes and dolls and then spied me, too chicken to face it in person. I imagine it was hoping I would venture down there myself, as a juicy kiddie would most certainly taste much better than a plastic doll, or a worn out tennis shoe.

I pondered if it had been to my best friend Heidi's house, and if it already ate her....what if I was the only child left in town?

I KNOW I never considered waking up my parents....To tell you why would take too much therapy and I don't even want to know myself (grin)

I don't remember throwing the last of my ammunition, but I do remember traipsing back to bed, being sure to lock my door behind me, wondering for an instant if it would be worse to be consumed by the downstairs-water-monster, or the inside-your-closet-monster.

What I do remember,in the morning, was my father yelling expletives as he hit every other step on the way down thanks to SOMEONE leaving EVERY PAIR of shoes they owned ALL over the stairs and the floor in the Living room. And for once he wasn't exaggerating.

After extracting my explanation for the scenario, they dutifully explained that it wasn't a long toothed, hairy child eater, but only our water softner. I think they thought I bought the explanation, but I knew better.

And now for some HTML updates

As you can see, I haven't managed to master very much at all.
I didn't even notice that if you click on the "JUST ME" you could actually send me an E-mail anytime you wanted. (But lets not get crazy....)
A friend had to point that out to me. I was looking for a big flashing something or other that would draw you right in. Oh well. It's there, and you can use it if you want.


Friday, November 9

The joys of instant communications..

The husband and I are considering refinancing our home. Unfortunately though, even as the Fed's lower interest rates for the 10th time in 12 months, the banks are still tight fisting those savings and aren't passing them on to the masses.

After checking local banks, I decided to do the 21st century thing and go online.
First stop, Lending, where you have several options and hundreds of lenders at your beck and call. I proceeded to fill out the necessary information about my request and the least incriminating amount of personal information available.

In less than 24 hours I had recieved 25 E-mails from banks just DYING to do business with us. My husband had recieved 4 calls on his work cell phone from antsy loan officers wanting to schmooze us out of some closing costs. I had talked to 6 people at home, and 3 had called my work to check in and see if we were interested.

This afternoon at work was another slowish day. The phone rang, I was helping a patient at the time, so the nurse asked them to hold to talk to me. The nurse told me that they were looking for my husband, but would talk to me.

Unfortunately, this dude had no idea what lie in store for him in a few short seconds.

The conversation went a little like this:
"HELLO" (very curtly)
Yes,. is this Mrs. D?
"YES" (very curtly)
Hi! This is Brian from Home Gold Morgtage Company and I understand that you were interested in some information on refinancing?
Oh, so you found a lender for you loan?
So, can I help you, answer any questions?
May I ask WHY ma'am?
Oh, I am so sorry to hear that you feel that way.
"YEAH RIGHT - click"

I think the "reach-out-and-touch" phase of our generation has gone a little berzerk.

Did anyone besides me realize that Christmas is nearly here?

Holy Crap Batman.

The older I get, the more I disdain I feel when it gets to be this time of year. Some weird, sick people really get into the groove of the whole season. They decorate, cook, shop, wrap, give, sing and drink. All in the name of Jesus.

Personally, I think it's finally gone too far.
Why couldn't the terrorism come in the form of a serial killer who dresses like santa? Maybe that would send people back to the real reason for the season. My two pop-culture kids have already been fawning over their lists. They even have the GALL to ask for gift-cards, so they might select their own hearts desire.

Thats where I get all prickly and obtuse.

Get your calculators, folks.

For my somewhat small family of 4 we are expected to buy and present gifts to 38 people
BEFORE we get to our immediate family. Thats not even including the friends we WANT to share a gift exchange with. Now I should add that almost any of those recipients wouldn't balk at not recieving one, but alas, thats the way it's always been and forever shall be.

One of the most hilarious exchanges we have is with my husband's family. We are to purchase a gift to present to a member of the same sex, or child group...BUT it must be under $10.00

What exists for less than $10.00 that won't solicit a laugh when you are trying to be sincere?
"I hope you like the toilet paper Uncle Ned, It's very practical and useful!"

So.....these little gifts are what begin my shopping mode. I try and kill these retarded items off quickly.
If I don't they will infect my checkbook and I will feel the urge to buy everyone something from the Dollar Tree. No one can have too many paper plate protectors.

Another gripe I have, is no one seemingly "wants" anything. (except my husband) They all draw blanks.
I say if you can't think of a thing you want, you should be automatically deleted from everyone's list.
Now my husband can give you a 100 item list from memory.

I am one of those freaks everyone HATES to buy for.
I don't want anything I have to ask for. If you know me, and love me, you will know what will surprise me and be something I wouldn't ever buy for myself.
Give me a dishwasher or a set of cookwear and I will openly weep.

I'm not very practical when it comes to recieving gifts. I envy my best friend, who is pleased with EVERYTHING. Something that WASN'T practical, she wouldn't want.
Give her used Wal-Mart bags, she will turn them into a spectacular holiday centerpiece.
(I guess opposites attract....)
Thats why I try when I can to be completely impractical when shopping for her.

My greatest gift?
The greatest gift I ever recieved was one I purchased for myself. I bought my Grandmother a book of memories. with this gift to her, I asked her to complete it and get it back to me. She returned it to me the next year for Christmas. She had totally completed it, and filled in many irreplaceable memories I never would have had otherwise.
I highly recommend it if you run across one.

So........ I must once again start thinking of all the people in my life, and try to whittle our relationship down into something I can correlate into a gift.

In other words, don't buy your mom paper plate protectors. She will cry, I guarantee it.

Wednesday, November 7


Now I am no longer the

I can be so FOOFY sometimes.
Today, life was interesting.

I had a "cake day" at work, only one doctor was in, so I did an inordinate amount of time consuming thinking. It kills me how I can have an entire day off and not feel obligated to do a single thing, but get me to work where there isn't anything to do, and I start thinking about all the things at home waiting on me.

I think I have finally evolved into the conclusion that "things" will always be there. Granted, some "things" you cannot avoid indefinately, like car payments and laundry...but most things we consider emergent really don't need to be. I remember reading somewhere that if you take your entire list of problems, (if you are a worrier) and write them ALL down, it said that within two weeks 90% of them would solve themselves, and you only had to handle the other 10%.

That sounds nice and most do in theory...but I would have a hard time letting my concerns go that long.

Pretty soon I am going to have to give up my ignorance of youth guise, and get on with being a real bona fide grownup. It doesn't help matters that I share my life with a husband who feels very "entitled" to the entrapments of our culture now. If it's new and shiny - we have to talk (or I have to talk him) OUT of it.

I think most of us feel we are "entitled" to whatever we want in life, whether it's a new car, brand name peanut butter, or a better view at the office. Some of us however, realize that the difference should we actually recieve it, will not really change our happiness one iota.

I can trace my "material awakening" back to three very vivid issues.

Scene one...

Several weeks before Christmas, 1973. I was 4 years old. My grandmother collected dolls, and since I spent many days and months of my life with my grandparents I became attached to a specific doll in her collection. It was one of those life-size dolls, modeled after "Pollyanna" if you remember the movie at all.

I would sneak her out of her chair and sit and play with her beautiful golden curls and her fancy gingham jumpsuit until grandma saw me, and asked me to please put her back.

That Christmas, unbeknownst to me, my Grandmother and my Great-Grandmother set out to create me my own "Pollyanna". This present was identical in every way, except for the hair. She did not have the golden curls I so adored. They had hand sewn the entire outfit, shoes and everything...just for me.

(I must remind you I was 4)

I opened my present, everyones eyes were on me and I started BAWLING. "I HATE THIS DOLL!" She is UGLY! I think I even offered to trade my grandma - if she liked her version so much.

Then and there I immediately saw what I had done. I deserved a spanking or worse for my reaction.
I recognized the agony in their faces once they realized that all the work had been in vain. I was so embarassed.
Even at 4 I saw the effect an ungreatful attitude can do to those who try to please you out of love. Suddenly the darn doll wasn't so important anymore.

Scene 2....

Approximately 4 years later I had made my request for a Barbie Dreamhouse very well known. I had been visualizing it all set up with lights and furniture for Barbie, Skipper and Ken. There would be many hours of fun in that house. Well, Christmas came and went with no house. I held out hope at every gathering we went to that it would be there. I even thought maybe my parents were withholding it to see if I would throw a fit if I didn't get it, so I was cool.
The house never did materialize. It was hard for a few months, but I got over it.
Living through it, I realized that I didn't NEED it. I was just fine without it.

Scene 3...
In my childhood, family friends had a player piano that I adored. We would go visit them socially and while the parents played cards or whatnot I would just sit and pump that piano for hours.
"What a great thing to have" I thought. "When I get married and can afford one, I will HAVE IT"

Fast Forward... I was 26 years old, and I had always kept a keen eye on the musical classifieds. I come across one, for a very reasonable price and I set my husband off to collect it for me. Much sweat and cursing soon followed, but EUREKA! I had my piano.

I think it's novelty wore off in about 4 months. That was a very sad day for me.

I use my experiences as a ruler to help me measure how the certain "thing" I think I need, or want
will serve me in the future.

It sits here now, as a behemoth reminder that what we think we need, isn't always what will make us happy.

I have often thought about selling it, or even giving it away,
but what keeps it here is the fact that I KNOW I would soon replace it,
with something else I thought I couldn't live without.

Tuesday, November 6


I want to personally thank each and every one of you lifeguards out there who are trying to throw me a life preserver. I am hacking away at it, but it feels futile. HTML must stand for "HOW can I TAKE MORE LAUGHTER....

heh heh heh - that was almost funny.

I've Been Reviewed!">

And not too shabbily, I might add.

The funny thing, sort of, is that I only WISH I knew how to make this more interesting with all the bells and whistles. The title is a good start though. I have even been shot down by the "auto link" feature on this won't work for me either!

Now if I could only figure out how to do a guestbook, or even a link with my E-mail address so I could see if anyone even reads my mindless drivel.

I have been wallowing around in the decomposing innards of HTML text, simply trying to find a way to put a counter, guestbook or even E-mail link here. That has led me to completely republish my blog and archives because I totally farked up the original code.

I must have missed the bus to techtown, or when they said passes, I thought they said asses
and knew I didn't need another one.

If you feel for me and want to laugh, or even help, let me know

Sunday, November 4


Well, the party is over.
Probably quite literally.

This weekend we hosted our "annual" Halloween Party, which in it's concept phase was very beguiling and exciting. The very first party was such a novelty, people were excitedly planning on next year's costume as they were leaving. I really didn't figure that many would show up in costume, but it turned into quite the display.

The second year, was again extremely successful. We were thrilled to invite and entertain a huge list of close friends - some old, some new for some food, drink and dance music. We should have left well enough alone.

Why is it that whenever you do something well, you just have to expand? There is some weird mentality that if it could get bigger, or more complicated, it would be better. This change is what is bringing about the end to our hosted costume party.

On year three, one of our friends that we had enjoyed inviting over the years offered to host the party in their "barn". See, our home is equipped with a circa 1940 barn, complete with haylofts, milkhouse and all the other asthetics of a good barn party. Their "barn" is more like Dynasty crossed with Gilley's in Texas.
It's a beautiful new structure finished out as a 6,000 square foot juke box joint.

Our meager attendance at our original party would be somewhere between 50-150 people. We were just set up for a plain jane, drink and dance evening.
At the "new" party, I almost expected to see valet parking after witnessing the 40 foot bonfire out of wood pallets that could be spied from at least 8 miles away. The DJ wasn't billy bob cranking Lynard Skynard, but a full effect light and dance set good as any club.

After the relocation, a few things presented themselves that have taken the fun almost all out of hosting our own party again. I appreciate their hospitality and all, but the fun is gone.

Our attendance at least doubled this year. There were people there I had NO IDEA who they were, and they didn't know me. THAT in itself pissed me off - but I'm pretty odd when it comes to that anyway.
Our original invited guests were taken a little bit aback by the newcomers...there weren't any outright complaints but you could tell that the ambiance had taken a definate shift.

I guess we should have copyrighted our initial get together.

I am a very "no frills" kind of person. I figure if I invite people over, they come for 90% hospitality and 10% entertainment. If I have to start altering my initial plans to accomodate drink tastes, or music selection -

So much for the pity party......and those of you who enjoy our social events, don't worry...
We are already entertaining the thought of a summer fling.....complete with billy bob and Lynard Skynard
for our few but mighty close friends.