Wednesday, January 23

Woe is ME

Man, it just doesn't pay to be sick. By sick, I mean that over the weekend I started gettting a scratchy throat, and thought nothing of it. Evidently, I didn't pay it enough attention because now it wants to kick my butt. It called upon it's friends inside my body and like the animals in a Tarzan movie, they are all united in attacking me.

I woke up this morning and stumbled to the bathroom (quite literally) with my head was swimming. I saw the kids off to school and then headed back between the covers after I tried to eat some cereal and take some cough medicine.

Not too long afterwards, the cereal made a return visit to my sheets and bedspread. It's funny how when you are going to be sick, you never know it until it's too late to do anything about it except watch. Kind of like seeing a tornado or a tidal wave. I was one of those gawking trailer park people who just can't seem to move their feet.

I summoned the strength to strip the bed and try to remember where the laundry room was. As I went through the living room, I noticed that it was kind of chilly. I glanced at the thermostat, as I drug my care package by and it said 58 degrees. Well, that would explain it. I shuffle the load of blankets in my hand and punch it up a few degrees and procede on to the laundry room.

I load the tasty treat into the washer, and then go to get the clothes out of the dryer that I started last night before the evil virus claimed my body. The clothes were still wet. I started the dryer again, cursing myself for forgetting to start the darn thing last night and then I went back and curled up on my now naked bed.

An hour later I awoke, and went back out to put the sheets and blankets in the dryer. (surely the first load is now done) My teeth are chattering as I lunge again at the thermostat......now it says 56 degrees. Thinking this surely must be a joke, I turn it up some more.
That didn't yeild any results so I go traipsing to the basement to see if I can see what the problem is. We have fuel, we have ignition...
but still no heat. shit.

Defeated, I go back up to the laundry room to get my blankets drying....aaaaaah warmth... to find that the clothes I have now dried TWICE are STILL WET. Gaaak!

So I put on the coat, and the boots and head out to the tanks...........both empty.
I now have no sheets, no bedspread, no heat and no patience to deal with this.

I am hot/cold, coughing and grumpy.
The gas man gets an emergency service call, the furnace repairman gets an emergency call, and I dig through the house for any available blanket and lock the doors and after all that hassle, I am too wide awake to get any sleep.

Tonight, I have heat, clean DRY sheets and the kids AND husband are gone until 9pm.
I'm going to bed.
(without the cereal)

Saturday, January 19

I had an EEEKpiphany tonight.

That would be similar to an epiphany, only more startling. We attended a surprise 30th birthday party for a friend, and we realized that we were the only "old" people there, aside from the celebrator's parents.

Now I am only 32, and my husband is 33 BUT when I walk in and the Dj is playing Kid Rock and Weezer I knew I was already playing defense. lol.
It was a good party, but I don't remember exactly when the change came - the change I am referring to is the one where you used to go to a party and drink all the liquor and leave when you:
1.) realized that it was all gone,
2.) realized everyone left two days ago,
3.) needed to get home in time to go to work - or sneak in the house before your parents woke up

Tonight I just looked at my watch and tried to figure out how long I would have to stay to be tactful.

Lambs are coming faster then I can keep track of them. One here, two there.... It's all been good. No complaints.

Several issues lately have made me deeply consider the responsibility of owning so many animals. These animals aren't pets.
I hadn't considered the vast emotional, financial and lifestyle committments they would require as our small operation grew.

It's not that I don't love it - I truly do, but when I can't have everything under my control to a certain extent, it makes me upset.

Recently I have been dealing with a situation which has turned into a jigsaw puzzle. So many pieces, and they are all scattered everywhere. I have been trying to collect them all, and put everything back together and it's just not working. It's like I have pieces to 5 different puzzles in one box and none of them will ever be complete. Just as I get one nearly completed, someone kicks the leg out from under the table and they all just go flying.

I guess that I am fortunate that I can turn on or off different parts of my life. I don't usually let things get all tangled up into one giant mess. If I am having a bad time at work, I don't usually carry that over into my home life, and if the kids are driving me crazy that doesn't seem to affect my marriage. I must try to categorize everything....treat it like my food.

If you have ever been fortunate enough to break bread with me you will notice that I am a "one item" eater. I can only eat one item at a time, and I must finish it before I move on to the next thing. Some people freak out if they intermingle their food, that doesn't bother me if they touch, but I can't eat one bite of everything, going around the plate. I usually save the best for last, too.
AND I NEVER TALK WITH FOOD IN MY MOUTH
OR MAKE NOISE WHEN I AM EATING

I wonder what that says about me.
Probably what everything else I so says about me - that I am a control freak.
who am I kidding?

Thursday, January 17

Well, I am all caught up finally.

The ewe we had been waiting on finally delivered two healthy and HUGE lambs. One female and one male. I am quite certain now, that she was overdue because the lambs were just huge. She delivered them unassisted and had them both up and nursing in no time flat.
Then, I became lazy.

Our best friends dropped in last night and we went out to see the new arrivals. On the way out he asked if we had any more since those two, and I said no..... but then I qualified that with the comment of..
"But we probably will now, since I'm in my sweats and flip flops going out to the barn without a coat!"

No truer words have ever been spoken. We found a new mom with her lamb at her side, already up, dry, and eating.
Those are the best kind of lambs. We have a few more that are due anytime so I will try to keep a better watch on my charges.

The job at the travel agency isn't going to pan out.
Not nearly enough pay, and not enough flexibility.

I am mercilessly stuck in the perpetual quicksand that is my current job.

Stuck by the flexibility of being able to run home for lunch, leave early to attend the kids functions, call and say I am delivering lambs so I will be 2 hours late, have 12 paid sick days a year, 3 weeks paid vacation and take nearly the entire week of fair off to be with my family and livestock there.

So in that respect, it is too good to be true, but the downfall is that I have to curtail my urges not to inflict bodily injury to some of my ignorant coworkers. That in itself is the most challenging aspect of what I do. so, where's my medal? heh heh.

I just finished watching Joan of Ark. I suppose whenever I should have been reading a book about her, or learning about her in school I was too occupied with whatever 16 year olds concentrate on. Fascinating tale. Her faith took her unfathomable places. According to the movie rendition, in the end they had her sign a confession of sin, which they told her was her statement of faith - and then burnt her in effigy. Believing whatever religion you may - would you have the faith to stand alone in what you believe in if it took everything you had? Could you watch friends and family die as punishment for your beliefs? Deep stuff.
Not to mention that a 19 year old woman could lead and fight troops into battle against England, as guided by God.

I was going to go into great detail about another program I recently watched, called "Tales from Middle School" all about our young people (13 and 14 years old) and what is happenning in their lives. Believe me, it has come a long way since I was 13.

Lets face it - as a parent, my kids having sex is strictly off limits until they are grandparents.
But, since I was once a kid - not too long ago if I do say so myself, I know that the temptation and the equipment came with the package.

My shock was, that it is so commonplace, almost expected or accepted now.

When I was in JR High, if you did anything like that you sure didn't tell anyone about it, because you would be severely judged, and all the girls would tell their parents, which in turn would probably get back to either your parents, or your parent's friends.
But that only worked if the boy involved din't brag to his friends.

These kids were talking about oral sex, buying condoms, pregnancy worries ALL AT 13!
aak.
double aak.

Why is it, that when WE are teenagers we presume that our parents know nothing about sex, and our grandparents definitely have no idea what it's like to be hormone-high? We presume that we are the only ones who ever felt that way.

I'm fairly scared to be frank with the girls. I don't want to plant seeds, per se. But Hell, I could write a book on how NOT to do things!
But to talk to them about that would necessitate me coming to grips with how I want to present the information.
I'm still waiting for my parents to have that "sex talk" with me....I don't think dad will get around to it now. :-)

From sex to sheep - you can get it all here, fellow readers.
Stay tuned
Well, I am all caught up finally.

The ewe we had been waiting on finally delivered two healthy and HUGE lambs. One female and one male. I am quite certain now, that she was overdue because the lambs were just huge. She delivered them unassisted and had them both up and nursing in no time flat.
Then, I became lazy.

Our best friends dropped in last night and we went out to see the new arrivals. On the way out he asked if we had any more since those two, and I said no..... but then I qualified that with the comment of..
"But we probably will now, since I'm in my sweats and flip flops going out to the barn without a coat!"

No truer words have ever been spoken. We found a new mom with her lamb at her side, already up, dry, and eating.
Those are the best kind of lambs. We have a few more that are due anytime so I will try to keep a better watch on my charges.

The job at the travel agency isn't going to pan out.
Not nearly enough pay, and not enough flexibility.

I am mercilessly stuck in the perpetual quicksand that is my current job.

Stuck by the flexibility of being able to run home for lunch, leave early to attend the kids functions, call and say I am delivering lambs so I will be 2 hours late, have 12 paid sick days a year, 3 weeks paid vacation and take nearly the entire week of fair off to be with my family and livestock there.

So in that respect, it is too good to be true, but the downfall is that I have to curtail my urges not to inflict bodily injury to some of my ignorant coworkers. That in itself is the most challenging aspect of what I do. so, where's my medal? heh heh.

I just finished watching Joan of Ark. I suppose whenever I should have been reading a book about her, or learning about her in school I was too occupied with whatever 16 year olds concentrate on. Fascinating tale. Her faith took her unfathomable places. According to the movie rendition, in the end they had her sign a confession of sin, which they told her was her statement of faith - and then burnt her in effigy. Believing whatever religion you may - would you have the faith to stand alone in what you believe in if it took everything you had? Could you watch friends and family die as punishment for your beliefs? Deep stuff.
Not to mention that a 19 year old woman could lead and fight troops into battle against England, as guided by God.

I was going to go into great detail about another program I recently watched, called "Tales from Middle School" all about our young people (13 and 14 years old) and what is happenning in their lives. Believe me, it has come a long way since I was 13.

Lets face it - as a parent, my kids having sex is strictly off limits until they are grandparents.
But, since I was once a kid - not too long ago if I do say so myself, I know that the temptation and the equipment came with the package.

My shock was, that it is so commonplace, almost expected or accepted now.

When I was in JR High, if you did anything like that you sure didn't tell anyone about it, because you would be severely judged, and all the girls would tell their parents, which in turn would probably get back to either your parents, or your parent's friends.
But that only worked if the boy involved din't brag to his friends.

These kids were talking about oral sex, buying condoms, pregnancy worries ALL AT 13!
aak.
double aak.

Why is it, that when WE are teenagers we presume that our parents know nothing about sex, and our grandparents definitely have no idea what it's like to be hormone-high? We presume that we are the only ones who ever felt that way.

I'm fairly scared to be frank with the girls. I don't want to plant seeds, per se. But Hell, I could write a book on how NOT to do things!
But to talk to them about that would necessitate me coming to grips with how I want to present the information.
I'm still waiting for my parents to have that "sex talk" with me....I don't think dad will get around to it now. :-)

From sex to sheep - you can get it all here, fellow readers.
Stay tuned

Sunday, January 13

My Time

Believe it or not, blogging time is MY time. It is mostly done late at night, or on my day off
(when I really should be doing something productive)

I can't have distractions, phones ringing, people trying to talk to me, kids whining...et cetera.
It's hard to concentrate on a theme, or storyline when I am solo let alone when I have an audience.

Lately my free time has been morphing into barn time, or to be more accurate - worrying about the barn time.
Those dang sheep. Still holding out on me, though I think we are within the 24 hour range now.

Lots of things are "morphing" with me lately. Where I used to be online for hours at a time, I now spend less than an hour a day there - usually just checking mail and replying. I don't have the time, or the interest any longer to go into chat rooms and just shoot the same old shit with people I will never meet.

I do value highly those of you who I have met there....You have shared facets of our world that I would have never known or seen had you not taken me there with you. The time and place where we connected was a time when I needed to share and be heard. I think I listened a little too, then.
Chatting is really strangely cathartic. I can share explicit, nonreserved opinions and situations with friends there that I might not even share with my family. And maybe you felt more able to give advice uninhibited by stereotypes or familiarity. It can be a profound place to find yourself.

New Topic......
I had all but given up on the overdue sheep. Soooooo I slept in a little this morning until 7:30, which for lambing time is almost 3 hours later than usual. I knew walking out to the barn that I wouldn't find anything spectacular so I wasn't in a rush at all. What I did find, was that crazy ewe had dig a nice bed in the straw, and couldn't get herself out and she was flat out stuck and struggling. Lord only knows how long she was stuck there, but she was pretty upset and shaken when I helped roll her out of it.

It is now 10:30 pm and I will stay up until midnight to go and check one last time. Hopefully she will stay out of trouble until my husband checks her at 5:30. You would think that these damn lambs are the second coming.

Sometimes if one ewe goes into labor, the others can be "set off" by her scent as she lambs. Phermones or something like that. So in the time that she has gone overdue, 4 or 5 more have come along that are also nearly due. I could have an avalanche of lambs in a very short time period...which might attribute to me not making timely updates here if I am sleep deprived.

I've also got a lot of things pinging around in my head lately. Work has been a less than stellar enviornment and I heard of a job opening that I said I might like to try someday. Now I am pretty torn over doing something that I might really enjoy as an actual career, and being flexible for my family.

Hmmm....... does one put self over family? Me thinks not. But I might investigate anyway, just so I will know what I am missing.
At least I might be able to live vicariously through someone else who gets the job.

I know, you are dying to know what it is..... well, it begins as a part or full time receptionist position at a local travel agency. Which will in turn put me in "line" for the next available agent spot. While that might not sound fabulous to some, the co-owner of the agency is a very good family friend and I have envied her job since I was little. She gets to go on "promotional" tours, cruises,trips so she can sell them to customers. Nothing like getting paid to vacation. Sometimes the trips were for her entire family free gratis, and sometimes she went alone... WOO HOO...

My husband would definately NOT like me to be involved in that part of the job. Thats why I didn't really explain the WHOLE job description to him to begin with....heh heh. Well, it's not like I am going to give up the shitty job I already have anyway, so whats YOUR problem with me keeping secrets? Just let me dream my pathetic little dreams of having something of my own.
send money to: PITY PARTY FOR ME..... P.O.Box waaah
Tooo funny.

What would really happen, would be that I would get an assignment to Jamaica and feel so horribly lousy for not taking everyone I would just ruin the entire trip.

Speaking of trips.... I have been trying to get my husband to committ to a Honeymoon this winter. After being married 15 years, I think it's due. We didn't go right after our wedding because no honeymoon would be really fun if your bride is up all night with morning sickness if you get my drift.

I mentioned Hawaii, Cancun, Even Salt Lake City to watch some of the Olympics - he's a no go. That really has me puzzled. REALLY PUZZLED. He's usually the first one to want to be frivolous with money, and when he drags his heels that can only mean one thing.....he's already planning on spending it on something else....which is scary. I don't even want to wonder what it is.

Well, it's time to go look for the invisible lambs again.
Ta Ta for now.

Monday, January 7

Sometimes, when I come here, I feel like I need to be entertaining, magical and inspiring.
If that's what you're looking for tonight, you better turn on Leno or something, cause it aint happenning.
Dont feel like it, wouldn't be prudent. ;)

Today was just another day in the "Lets see if we don't have lambs yet" saga. I tell ya - these two ewes are really hanging on for dear life. I can't say I blame them, I am only operating on a 0-1 season for saving sick lambs so far this year. They HAVE to go soon, it's just not possible for them to hold on much longer. We are going on day 5 of overdue-ness! It's that "watched pot" theory, I know it is.

Today had MONDAY written all over it.
Mondays are my most dreaded says of the week. I've never liked Mondays, ever. In Elementary school, Monday was the rotation day for our cafeteria's Sloppy Joes. Once or twice a month we would have the smell of whatever goverment subsidized meat they had prepared in an unrecognizable slathering of barbeque sauce and grease. Just the whiff of that concoction wafting through the halls gave me a tremendous headache and nausea. It took several Monday's before my mom figured out that she would get a call at work to come and get me because I was sick. Then I was busted, and had to tough it out. The Sloppy Joe fever was put to an end.
I have yet to react to an odor like that since. Thank goodness.

Today was also my first Monday back to work. The freak zone was primed and ready to rip me apart, limb from limb.

Most of you probably snicker when you think of my cushy job, working the front desk at a doctor's office. "How could that be hard?"
Well, I must say that it is one of the most exasperating things I have ever done, besides residing in a household with 2 premenstrual teenage girls.

I think if I could list my main frustrations, and describe how they could be rectified....I would have to begin with the telephone.
Everyone calls in, wanting something. Not totally unimaginable, even somewhat expected,but don't EVER for my sake if none other, call your physician after you have been sick for 2 weeks already and demand to be seen that day. Don't tell me that you will be by to pick up your entire medical records which translates into no less than 100 pages in a half-hour. I'M JUST ONE PERSON!

Today the phone rang nonstop, people walked in like we were McDonalds, and patients "And ANOTHER thing-ed" me to death.

I have said a million times here that I am a control person. I loved being an EMT, and that is a very uncontrolled enviornment, but in that job, I was the dictator of sorts. You got yourself in a jam and I was there to control the situation and get you put back together.
Here, I am just a small boat adrift on the high seas. Sometimes there are small squalls and then there are tidal waves.

By 10:00 am I was livid. I did find out that speaking through a clenched jaw will give you a headache.

I mostly embarass myself with my temper during these busy times. I lose my cool when I can't keep everything all neat and orderly. I get freaked. I don't throw or kick things, I usually end up doing a lot of talking to myself and growling. I try to remember to just relax and go with the flow, but if you have ever tried that in the middle of a hissy fit it's just not practical. I just can't get used to juggling more balls than I can safely catch.

The good part of this, is when I am busy, I don't like people who don't know what they are doing to try and help me out. I see this as good natured desire to help, but all it ends up doing is giving me more work. I have a nurse that will grab the telephone for me, only to look me up in 2 minutes because she doesn't know what to do with it.

But at 5pm when that phone stops ringing, I can finally begin to concentrate. I then come home and furiously clean, cook or do something to relieve the stress. Oh, and I don't answer the phone.

God must think I need a lesson in patience...I wish I could learn faster.
I am in mental quicksand.

My husband was home today with a sprained/strained foot. Don't ask me how he got it, but he has been only able to hop around for the past 24 hours. If you know him, to imagine him hopping about is surreal. Hopefully the combination of boredom and daytime TV will give him a speedy recovery - but we do have ESPN so you have to allow for that impeding with the process.

Playing phone nurse at work, and then doing the Florence Nightengale thing at home is sheer torture.
I think he is planning on heading back to work to escape the monotony here tomorrow!

Maybe I will get to sleep in for the first time this year.

Friday, January 4

Ok OK - I've been busy.

As I hoped/feared lambing started off with a bang on Jan. 1.

Our first overdue ewe must have looked at the calendar and figured out that she had to wait until them for us to use her lambs.
Unfortunately, on of her two lambs just came to visit for a few days and he is planning on checking out real soon.

We had another set of lambs, both healthy and happy on the 2'nd.

Sheep are very difficult creatures to figure out. If you followed any of my lambing stories from last year, you heard me go on and on about their will to die, from the moment they are born. some start out just fine, then go to hell in a hurry. Others just come out half dead and never get any better.

It's all exasperating to me, as I try my dammedest to save everything. I am getting thicker skin as I get more experience though.
The current exercise in futility has been handled with kid gloves for 4 days and his lease is up. I just can't justify any more extreme
measures on his part, so it's his turn to either get with the program or check-out.

We have two more ewes due any moment, and today is my first day back to work after my 2 week vacation. Thank goodness the girls are at home, they know enough to get through the crucial moments without me, and then I have the rest of the weekend to be here personally for any deliveries.

I'm already tired.........
:-)

Tuesday, January 1

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I guess I should feel renewed, recharged and ready to tackle this brand new year.

I really can't believe that it is 2002. The past year seemed to only take a few weeks.

My celebrations are beginning to pale in comparison to those of my youth. I don't know if that is a reflection of age or even life experiences, but we brought in the new year last night playing cards with some good friends. We did attempt the more traditional celebration style, complete with bar and music, but aborted that plan as soon as two yahoo's decided to get into a fight and accidentally dumped a pitcher of beer into my friend's purse.....that wasn't cool. But it was fairly ironic as she was the only one of us who hadn't been drinking at all. (Serves you right....... hee hee)

I'd like to think that a new year means new opportunities, new directions and a clean slate. What I know, though is it will be just another collection of days where I am challenged, rewarded, upset and overjoyed. (sometimes all in the same day)
It's all part of the journey we all take one day at a time.

We are still anxiously waiting on lambs. Evidently the ewes didn't bother to look at the calendar or they would know that 1 of them is overdue by 4 days and the other is due today. Like I said, they will likely wait until I'm unavailable to decide to have them.

I am also getting my tax items around. This year will be the first year we will claim our breeding enterprise as a business. I did not want to do it, as that would mean we must keep track of all the expenses of the sheep and I don't think I am prepared to run the final tally. If you do it as a hobby, you can overlook little items here and there but if you claim it - WOW you have to look at it's naked facts.
It should be a stimulating exercise for me.

Well - it's time for barn checks....wish me luck